The Daughter Diaries: Humor, Sarcasm, Screaming and Other Handy Tools for Surviving the Teen Years
By Cindy Haney
This is the humor blog of Cindy Haney. It’s full of ramblings about raising teen-aged girls, and all the
pain joys that go with it.
Cindy’s greatest fantasy is to quit her low-level job as a graphic artist, say goodbye to the corporate cubicle prison and sit on the couch for a year. But she can’t because she has bills to pay. A LOT of bills, like college tuition. And, plus, she also likes to eat, which of course requires money.
If you like to waste a lot of time reading pointless rants, then you’ll love her many topics which include, but are not limited to: Teen Angst, Dumb-Ass Boyfriends, Wardrobe Meltdowns, Hair Obsessions, Financial Retardation, Useless Homework, Snarky Teen Attitudes and other stuff that keeps her up at night.
She’s been married for 26 years, and honestly, she only keeps her husband around to do all of the math homework. Have you seen the complicated geometric equations they give 10th graders? If it wasn’t for him, Emily would have to drop out of high school, because Mom would just give up completely. She couldn’t do the math the first around. That’s why she became an artist. Duh.
They have a cat named Sox, who occasionally writes guests blogs, and they live in a lovely suburb of Houston in probably the cheapest, un-landscaped house in the entire wealthy master planned community. Their claim to fame is a lifetime of idiotic financial mistakes that are the stuff of urban legend.
What does Cindy do in her “spare time”? She loves to be dragged by her teens to Forever 21 every Saturday to search for the perfect pair of butt-defining, overpriced skinny jeans. She also likes to sneak off to the library for the silence, sit in a corner in the yoga position and cry softly. Other times, she overdoses on Starbucks and stays up all night trying to come up with creative ways to finance college, like say, robbing a bank or starting an illegal website called Overweight Sugar Mamas for Hire. I’m open to any ideas.
Here’s little bit about the Two Main Characters:
Amanda, 19, is a freshmen at a prestigious (read EXPENSIVE) state university. She is a Songbird, a Fashionista, and an Honors student. She has a gentle and humble nature and is probably the sweetest, kindest teenager you will ever meet. She is exactly like her dad in that way. In High School, she lettered in Choir, was the Choir President, won 2nd Chair in the entire District, made the Region Choir, the Area Choir and then, WOW! she made the All-State Choir. Out of 15,000 students, she was one of only 500 kids who made State. That’s pretty impressive, people. She has a beautiful, smoky voice comparable to her idol, Sara Barielles. In college, she is a member and officer of a campus A Cappella Singing Group. If she ever gets on one of those Music Competition Shows, I can promise you she will be instantly famous overnight. She graduated in the top 7% of her 2015 graduating class, and she earned automatic admission to her dream university. Amanda is a talented photographer and is majoring in Journalism/Photojournalism. She is headed to future greatness.
Emily, 17, is in her Junior year. She is such a comedian and always surprises me with her hilarious insights. She is happy, goofy, and good-natured and has always been a morning person, which is a good thing because she has to get up every morning at 5:00 a.m. and runs for her Cross Country team before school. She is an excellent runner, and a health nut, but lately is “SO OVER the running thing” after doing it for 3 years in a row. She loves to sing and she loves to make weird crafty projects. She is thinking about exploring nursing as a career. She has an ADD disability which involves memory and therefore school testing is kind-of a nightmare for her. She tends to be argumentative, strong-willed, bull-headed and unorganized. She is more like me than I would like to admit, so we butt heads on a daily basis. It’s like a battle of wills that I am determined to win!
I hope you realize I’m only half-serious in most of my stories. And you’re welcome.