Life Lessons: The Great Laundry Fiasco of 2015 by Cindy Haney
I’m sure you already know that being a mom is a very thankless job. Most of the time, you don’t get a bonus check for a job well done, or an all-expense paid trip to Tahiti, or even a star sticket on your refrigerator for all of your amazing superhero feats.
But you’re not in it for the perks anyway. So you keep on trudging through the trenches, doing all those thankless little things that you do, all the while secretly hoping that someday the Academy of Arts and Sciences is going to call and bestow upon you that Golden Statue of Honor that you so richly deserve.
But then one day, right of the blue, when you least expect it…BAM!! After 18 years or so into the slave life, I mean mom life, it happens. Sweet, sweet REWARD! And it’s waaayyy better than a golden statue.
Here’s the story. Amanda, 18, moved to college in August last month. I knew she would be facing some tough challenges from being on her own for the very first time. There were so many things for me to worry about as we began to prepare her for life away from home. Will she make new friends? Will she be able to handle the difficult coursework? Will she forget to feed herself? What if she runs out of tampons? How the hell is she going to manage her own laundry?
I tried to teach her the finer points of Laundry Management in the months leading up to her departure. I swear I did. But she was always too busy running around doing fun Senior Year things like not doing any homework, falling in love with a sweet boy, shopping for an Oscar-worthy prom dress, going out with all of her friends, working at her part-time job, and sleeping until noon. I warned her many times about the consequences of not separating your darks from your whites. I preached about the finer points of choosing hot, warm or cold water. I nagged about the use of fabric softener. She didn’t listen. In fact, when she left home, she didn’t even know how to turn a washing machine on. Ok, that last part is a bit of an exaggeration.
In other words, I tried. She just had better things to do. Besides, why bother? Heck, we own a Magic Washing Machine anyways. You see, how it works is… your mom puts all your dirty crap in there, and then a few hours later your stuff magically appears clean and hung neatly in your closet. Wow. Bet you wish YOU had one, right?
Anyways, I decided, quite strategically, to let the laundry issue slide. Because I knew, as all moms do, that eventually she would RUN OUT OF UNDERWEAR. And you know what that means, right? Must. Wash. Clothes. Now.
So about four weeks into dorm room life, when she couldn’t wait one second longer, she braved the whole new world of the Group Laundry Room all alone. And then I received this email letter from Amanda below, printed here in her own words. I have to admit, I laughed so hard that I peed a little in my sensible cotton briefs. Might have to wash those now.
Sept. 20, 2015. 11:47 pm
I am writing you because I thought you could use a humorous story to brighten your day. I hope my unfortunate laundry experience makes your day seem a lot better in comparison.
So today, after having class from 9 am until 6:30 pm, I decided that since my laundry basket was overflowing, it was about time I figured out the laundry room. So I dragged my ten-ton basket of clothes and my detergent (Yes, dragged. It was too heavy to carry. I got some curious looks) down the elevator and across the building to the other Tower where the laundry room is so inconveniently located.
When I got to the laundry room, I found an empty area in the back (this room has like fifty washers and dryers) and put my basket on the floor, not realizing that the floor was flooded with an inch of water! So all of my clothes on the bottom of the basket got prematurely soaked. Then I put my stuff in the wash and a few minutes later my machine started overflowing and there was no way to stop the wash cycle once it had started. The machine next to it was out of order and I guess that one was too. So now there was TWO inches of floodwater on the floor. Then 30 minutes later, I took my clothes out of the wash to move them to the dryer and I kept dropping all of my clothes in the floodwater.
When I took everything out, I realized all of my socks turned blue along with a few other things that were lighter colors. I guess the dye on my new jeans hadn’t set in yet. Once everything was in the dryer, the machine kept saying that dryer wasn’t available so I had to take everything out and put it in the next one. Then that machine wasn’t working either, so I took everything out AGAIN and moved it all across the room to a different dryer and went to pay. But then I realized I had used the wrong paying machine and paid for a washing machine on the other side of the room. So I had to pay again and now there’s a free washing machine available for anyone who needs it, thanks to me.
Then I sat in the wash room for an hour and waited for my stuff to dry. After an hour, I went to get my clothes out and realized I never pressed start!!!! So I then had to sit in there for ANOTHER HOUR. Finally, after being in the laundry room from 8-11 (three hours of my life wasted), I could finally go back up to my room and relax.
Except NO. Because then I had to fold all of my clothes and hang them up and put them away and that took another thirty minutes. So next time I might just have to dedicate an entire day to laundry.
I hope you take pleasure in my sucky experience and that you get joy out of being able to say “I told you so”. Hahaha! I love you and miss you. Right now I am especially missing the magical washer that hangs my clothes or leaves them folded on my bed.
Your very tired and stressed out daughter, Amanda
Hilarious, right? After 18 years of doing her laundry non-stop, I SHALL now privately gloat over a little sweet, sweet laundry revenge. And no, I didn’t say “I told you so.” At least not out loud anyways. And the next time she comes home for a visit, I’ll bet she will ask for a laundry lesson or two, amIrite? And for all you moms out there with young girls who like to change their outfits every 5 minutes, don’t worry. YOUR sweet reward is coming, too, one of these days.